A Reflection On Turning 21

I am 21. 21 years of age. How strange it is to say this. It's been such a whirlwind of a year that I don't really feel 21. The reality of my birthday hasn't sunken in yet. Maybe it's a common phenomenon to not feel your age. I hope it is, I hope I'm not alone in feeling not my age.

Usually the time around my birthday is always a strange one. I feel really disconnected from everyone and everything. I hate having to make plans for the celebrations. I always feel pressure to have a great day and be super happy and it throws me off my game for a bit. Having a birthday in the middle of the year, is also a cause for lots of reflection, reflection that you may not want to have, at times. I've spoken about my struggle with depression many times here on the blog and, even though I am better, I still have moments where I feel really lost and sad and not knowing where to turn. Recently, I have been feeling that way - feeling like I haven't accomplished the things I want to accomplish, feeling like a bit of a fraud, feeling unsure of my future. Therefore, I decided to reflect on my accomplishments this year, because deep down, I know I've done some good things.

I finished my degree while dealing with debilitating depression. That is a big, big one. If you would have told me months ago that I would've been able to graduate with good grades, while feeling so ill, I would have said you were out of your mind. But the reality is, I did graduate with University with a really nice final grade all while battling depression. Not being able to leave my bed and go to classes, not being able to focus and do my work. I genuinely thought I wouldn't graduate so seamlessly but I did and I am damn proud of myself for it.

I became a #girlgazeproject Ambassador and decided to start a series of interviews with photographers from the platform here on the blog. I've met and spoken to so many amazing women since I decided to start the series "Words From The Girls Behind The Lens" and have had my work feature on the #girlgaze website and Facebook page. Meeting and talking to these amazing and talented women has been an absolute joy and pleasure.

I've had my work published in different publications. First, it was LAPP The Brand, to whom I'll always be super grateful for being the first platform to really believe in me and my work. Having my work be published and read by multiple people was so crazy and started a little fire in me of wanting more people to read what I have to say and to not be afraid of writing the things I want to write. Having a big publication like Polyester Zine saying that they want to publish my writing has been amazing and having my poetry published on Identity XX Magazine has been so, so great. I've also recently become a writer for Pink Things Magazine! All of this in the past 6 months. I often times feel like I'm not doing enough, but accomplishing all of this in 6 months seems pretty great.

Then, I fully dedicated myself to my little corner of the Internet. This blog and writing and taking pictures for it has been so wonderful and, even though I don't have a lot of followers or I'm not even sure if anyone reads it besides my friends, I really love it and look forward to keep putting out more content that makes me happy.