Wishing You Could Stop Time

                  

                  I hate the phrase now or never. I hate time frames that limit people. I know hate is a strong word, but I really do. Saying that if someone doesn't do something at an exact time, they'll never get the chance to do it is bullshit. People's lives aren't predestined. There's no one pulling the strings deciding which opportunities are going to show up at what time, what other human beings are going to come into your life at a certain time. Everyone is different and, therefore, everyone's lives, everyone's paths will be different. Everyone will do different things at different paces and go through different paths, so blasting definitive and unchangeable timelines into someone's face is irrelevant, because time is out of our control. That's not to say that I don't wish I could control at times, I do.

                Recently I've felt that there is a balance I can't seem to reach in my life. In order to be present for school, I have to be left without energy. In order to get my energy back, I have to not be present at school and miss out on all the things that happen there and spending the last weeks of University with my friends. In order to be able to be creative, I need to not focus on school work. In order to do school work, I can't be creative. I feel like I'm in a videogame and my life points are low and all the poisonous turtles are coming at me at once and I don't know where to turn. I wish I could press the pause button, recover and start living my life again. I wish I could stop time in order to not miss certain moments, even though I know I need to slow down right now, I wish I could be there for them. I feel too slow, but like I said - people do things at different rates and this my rate right now. I have to live life slowly in order to be able to live it at all and I have to make choices I don't want to make in order to keep moving forward. Some days, I will miss out, some days I will be exhausted, some days I won't do all the things I want to do.  Time is out of my control, the time it takes to heal and to do what you need to do in order to accomplish what you want accomplish is out of your control. So, it's only normal wishing you could stop time and give yourself a break. But you can't. However, you still need to give yourself a break. So, you choose what fits better into your timeline, what uses your time more wisely and forgive yourself for the things you might miss.