The Ugly Truth Behind Self Care

             

             The concept of "self care" has got to be one of the most popular things on any form of social media right now. People talk about, about the best ways to do it, about their own routines and I think it's great - for the most part. We live in a day and age where we are encouraged to never stop, so to have a sort of counter movement come up and go up against that is needed and can be, honestly, quite healthy.

                The problem I have with all of the "self care" hype is how pretty it's made out to be. How people romanticize it by putting caring about yourself as wearing a face mask, drinking some tea and being done with it. Now, don't get me wrong: if that's what you need to do to take care of yourself, go ahead and do it. Write in your journals, take your warm baths, light scented candles. All those things are great and valid and if they make you feel good, then that's truly wonderful. But let's not put all types of "self care" under the same category, because there are ugly and miserable sides to it that people ignore or aren't even aware of because people telling you to moisturize your body and drink water is more appealing than the alternative.

                The alternative when it comes to caring for yourself means waking up at 3 in the morning and trying not to cry, because you'll feel stupid if you do. Go ahead, cry. Cry until your eyes are puffy and you're tired, because at least you got it out of your system and you don't have to hold the weight of those tears anymore. Caring for yourself means asking for help to take a shower, because you haven't showered for 3 days and feel so weak you can't do it yourself. Caring for yourself means forcing yourself to eat, when you can barely taste the food and know there's a possibility of vomiting right after. Caring for yourself means pacing around in your room trying to convince yourself the panic you feel is not real, that you need to breathe and get it together and then not feel guilty when you can't, you know, get it together. Caring for yourself means not feeling guilty when you can't go to class, when you can't see your friends, your family, when you can't even fathom going outside. Caring for yourself means considering going outside and feeling the sun on your skin a victory. Caring for yourself means seeing the small, baby steps as victories. Caring for yourself means being able to not bite of more than you can chew, because you get to know your limits. Caring for yourself means accepting when people recognize your worth. Caring for yourself means reaching a place where you start to fight towards your goals again. Caring for yourself means believing it's real when things start going right and not letting things go wrong undo all the work you've been doing. Caring for yourself means accepting the ups and downs of recovery.

                Self care isn't something that is always aesthetically pleasing. Self care is messy, because recovery is messy and humans are messy. Times are tough and more confusing than ever, so while we take care of each other, let's take care of ourselves as well. Let that side of "self care" be known as well and do take care of yourself - however that might be, if it comes in the form of baths salts and a book or hugging yourself in the middle of the night trying to convince yourself you're going to be alright. Because you will - be alright.